Are single Christians marginalised by their own church?

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SONGS OF PRAISE: But do single Christians have much to feel joyful about?

ROBED IN my new scarlet body-con dress, looking uber-regal and radiant (even if I do say so myself) I?m set for the summer concert and convention season with talks, workshops, business breakfasts, single-mixers aplenty ready to, per chance, make new acquaintances amidst the heady heights of corporate worship with new faces. Then, the big one - the inevitable main-speakers? tumultuous, thunderous ?Go and Grow to the end of the age, have-I-not-sent-you? finale to leave me feeling completely full of conviction and ready for the mission fields of sunny Birmingham. Oh really? Who am I kidding, really?

Whether it?s the Jabula Conference, The Israel Houghton Concert, The New Testament National Convention, The Midnight Oil Summit or The Winans Tribute night, the story ends the same ? me, myself and I getting with on with life on planet Me, Myself and I. Yes, Beyonce, I am Miss Independent, but for many of us independence is synonymous with swimming and not sinking in life rather than a designer label existence. Last year and indeed every year, prior, I bought my own tickets, drove my own car to the events, praised and worshipped with my brothers and sisters in wonderful atmospheres of corporate anointing, prayed and blubbed healing tears with the intercessors, supped cups of tea afterwards in the canteens and then drove my own sorry, lonely beautiful self back home to praise God for another day of life in my upbeat, trendy apartment for one.

Yes, it is upon us ? that time when we hope for the Summer of Love which invariably holds much promise if only for a moment, as we hear of our ?big-people? friends getting hitched to so-and-so. We survived our birthday with a few trusted well-wishing friends or family who always send a card or will go for the obligatory drink. We dealt with Christmas and the mistletoe digs. We trumpeted the ?Valentine?s-Day-is-just-a-commercialised-pagan-festival-anyway? speech for anyone who dared ask. We spent the Easter Bank Holiday again, with the trusted well-wishing friends, and the movie looks set to continue thus, until we can meet the beau or belle we so deeply need to break the monotony on planet Me, Myself and I that I have grown tired of praying and/or talking about.

REFLECT

It?s official ? the church is failing single people according to research conducted by the Christian Connection dating website which analysed the responses of its users. The survey found that over a third of Christians who are not married, said that they felt they are not treated as those who are part of family; that nearly four out of 10 single churchgoers said that they often felt ?inadequate or ignored?, while 42.8 percent felt that their ?church did not know what to do with them?; and a total of 37 percent said that ?they did not feel treated as family members.? Although many of us find it hard to meet a godly suitor, most of us will still insist on marrying a Christian. Churches are simply not learning how to reflect the changes to the modern world in accommodating or even remotely recognising the needs of it?s single members.

Don?t even get me started on the marginalisation of single women in the churches! Let?s face it - outside of joining the choir and/or volunteering to serve in a ?ministry? of sorts, church leaders are at a loss as to how to support those of us aged 30 upwards. To be fair to them however, they are often struck with ever-decreasing numbers of strong-conviction male Christians who feel confident in developing relationships with women. Indeed, my experiences include liaisons with the following:-
The Harem Wrangler ? Married on average, for around 20 years, with 2.4 kids, he loves his wife but has a string of female, ?friends? none of whom he has a sexual relationship with, but some of whom he is sometimes strongly emotionally connected to, often enjoying a better friendship with some of these women than he does his wife.

The Prophet of Doom ? Bible-toting, Hawaii Five-O-style Christian male full of conviction as he roams the streets, buses and train stations preaching the Word in and out of season, because he?s married to The Ministry. The Apostle Paul being his hero, he fiercely guards his heart from the merest hint of forming a relationship, as he is sure he has no need of women. He is here to herald that women are the ultimate deceiver, cunning and wily.

There are of course, many other ?types? but you get the picture ? the panoramic view does not bode well for single Christians (particularly women) wanting to meet other single Christians not necessarily via dating websites or via other social networking media but within Christian circles - at minor, everyday or major events. This is, by far, the most underrated trial in the church, with single Christian women comprising a vast majority of most congregations.

Any church leader brimming with vision and passion for a new inner city church planting would not neglect the plans to provide a car park knowing that over 50% of the intended churchgoers are car drivers. Why then, are the needs of so many who are increasingly forming the majority grouping in our churches so marginalised? The way forward? It?s time this issue is raised and revisited on a regular basis from the pulpit at least (and not confined to one-off single?s events.)

Let?s at least start there church leaders.

Jacqueline Ffrench is a lecturer in law based in Birmingham. She taught within the Further Education sector before moving on to work in Higher Education. She is a committed Christian who enjoys living life as God intended.

Source: http://voice-online.co.uk/article/are-single-christians-marginalised-their-own-church

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